December Decisions

One of the most challenging times for an Interfaith couple/family is December and what do about the holidays. For those who grew up celebrating Christmas, it is hard for us to think about not doing so and if we have children, passing on to our own children the excitement and wonder that we experienced at this time of year. My son is now 2 ½ years old and I remember walking through the mall and pointing out Santa when he was 6 months old. It was exciting for me to do this, but at the same time it felt a little weird, because we are raising our son as Jewish. It was a moment of excitement followed by a feeling of maybe I should not have done that. When a friend came to visit that year we found ourselves walking the mall and she insisted that my son have his picture taken with Santa. Part of me thought, “Yes, of course, family tradition” while the other part thought, “Hmm, I bet my husband never sat on Santa’s lap.…” Tradition won out and we have an adorable picture of an inquisitive 6 month old sitting on Santa’s lap. The next December rolled around, and I didn't feel the need for a picture, so I have never done it since. I am grateful that my husband is so easy going and does not have any preconceived notions on how things must be for our family of three at this time of year. I want to say that we are still making it up as we go along, but that makes it sound as though it not thought out...and this mother thinks a lot about it!

Calling it What it Is

I subscribe to a listserve of moms from the Mother’s Circle (moms raising, or thinking about raising, their children Jewish) and this December season topic has generated a lot of discussion. One mother challenged the group to think about this time of month as “December Decisions” rather than the “December Dilemma.” I like this approach because it really is more about making decisions for your family about how you honor the season, and the faith of each person and about the traditions, both carried on and newly made, that you wish to pass on to your child. Just phrasing it as decisions give me more clarity on what this month means to us, and will in the future. My husband and I are making conscious decisions for ourselves and our son, rather than allowing the struggle that the word dilemma brings to mind. A dilemma brings to mind a constant struggle, while a decision is a carefully thought out choice. And of course as a woman, I always reserve the prerogative to change my mind!